i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
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Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
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I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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