I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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