I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
