had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
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Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
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So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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