I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
