I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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