As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize