How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
