OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You work out of a Hotel?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
