All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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