I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
