This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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