he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
