Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
