Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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