I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
