They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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