I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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