PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
