Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
