omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
