he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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