her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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