We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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