i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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