So drunk its hurt
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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