Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
