Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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