Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
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Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize