so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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