Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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