If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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