We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
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there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
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I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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