thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
