he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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