I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize