I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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