matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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