Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
