gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
