you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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