so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
