Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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