I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
