thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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