i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize