College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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