i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
