I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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