my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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