Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
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So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
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She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
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Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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