Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
