Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
