things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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