I need help removing her.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dignity is for republicans.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
