All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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