Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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